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I Want to Scream, “He Needs Help, Not Punishment!”

As educators and parents, if we stop and listen…if we watch…maybe we will see something that we didn’t before.

I just recently saw a French film I found incredibly moving. The movie, called Monsieur Lazhar, pulled at my heart strings for days afterwards. The story takes place in Montreal at an exclusive independent school.

One Thursday morning, a 4th grade student arrives to his classroom only to find his beloved teacher hanging from a pipe, having committed suicide in the classroom.  The storyline of the movie depicts how each character deals with and tries to understand this senseless act of suicide. Even more complicated is the constant wonder of why their beloved teacher would choose to commit suicide in the space where these 11 year olds have to sit every day.

The school principal does what she knows how to do best. She runs the school. She immediately hires a new teacher and focuses on the education of these students. She instructs this new teacher, Monsieur Lazhar, to teach language arts and mathematics. She forbids him to talk with his students about the suicide. The principal holds the teacher accountable for lessons, exams and test scores. The school has a reputation for providing a top notch education and that is what the principal intends to give these kids, regardless of what they are going through emotionally. 

The administrator decides to begin dealing with the tragedy by having the classroom repainted “hospital white” and instructing the janitor to remove all of the teacher’s wall hangings, posters and personal belongings. Next, the administration brings in a psychologist to work with the class. We don’t see how this psychologist runs the sessions or what she says to the children. She does not allow their teacher, Monsieur Lazhar to stay for the sessions and she refuses to listen to or acknowledge his thoughts on the children’s individual or emotional state. It is not completely clear to the audience how many sessions she has with the class but the psychologists seems to be satisfied with the results after only a few visits.

The story examines each student and how their teacher, Bachir Lazhar, witnesses the pain and confusion these kids go through as they try to make sense of everything that has happened. As the story follows each character, the audience can see how the tragedy affects each child differently. Some of the kids isolate, some shut down and some act out. 

What has me still thinking about this movie is the disconnect between the adults and the children. For those of us who are parents or work with children, we know that not all children are the same. There is not one solution or method of dealing with behavior that works with every single child. Even in a family, where the children are raised and exposed to the same things, each child is different and responds differently in certain situations. In addition, the task of educating these kids when they are so emotionally distraught, almost becomes an impossible task for Monsieur. For all of the educators reading this, you know first-hand how difficult it is to educate a child that is experiencing emotional turmoil. 

At one point in the movie, there is a scene where a fight takes place between two of the boys at a school dance. The adults are furious and drag the boys apart. As the observer, we know what is going on inside each boys head. We know the pain both are feeling and we watch how each child deals with it in their own way. We see how a “slap” on the back of one boy’s head can turn into an all-out brawl at the most inappropriate time and place.  We can almost “feel” each child’s emotional pain. 

Following the fight, the school administration and some teachers have a meeting to determine the consequences each boy will receive for fighting. We watch as each adult gives their opinion. One teacher wants the one boy expelled, yet the principal says, “I think he can still be saved.”  We watch as each adult negotiate this boy’s fate. I want to scream, “He needs help, not punishment!”

All human beings, adults as well as children, deal with their pain in various ways. Many teens deal with their emotional pain with self-mutilation or cutting themselves. Some use drugs and alcohol. Some commit suicide. Some push away the ones that love them. Some isolate. And some take their aggression out on their peers.

Nobody likes a bully. It is an adult’s job to protect those who are bullied. It is the adult’s job to stop those who bully. When you hear about a bully story, don’t be so quick to judge. Our children’s lives are not movies. We can’t see what is "really going on.”

Give a child the benefit of the doubt. Stop and listen. Find out what is going on inside that child. I am the first one to say, we can’t change a bully. We can’t control what other people do. But this movie reminded me that sometimes people act out for reasons that we can’t relate to. As educators and parents, if we stop and listen…if we watch…maybe we will see something that we didn’t before.
--

Jill Brown
Generation Text Online
jill.brown@GenerationTextOnline.com

Programs that provide Solutions to STOP cyberbullying
www.GenerationTextOnline.com

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HP October 9, 2012 at 12:45 am
..................pure fiction.................YAWN......................................
Jane C October 9, 2012 at 02:26 pm
Jill,
I would agree with you that there are many lessons learned here and it is important to try to get to the root of a problem when children are acting out. I do disagree with your point that "we can't stop a bully". Children that bully are often ones struggling with issues as well. It is a parents and an educators responsibility to help all children,they can all benefit from guidance in how to develop coping skills and tools to deal with frustrations,misdirected anger,etc. As you said," don't be so quick to judge". That should include everyone involved in the conflict,you don't know what is happening in the lives of the child being labeled the bully as well. Thanks for continually sharing your thoughts on a very important topic. As a mom and an educator it is an important parts of my daily life...

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Deborah Bell (Editor) June 18, 2013 at 11:48 am
You're welcome! I'm sure you'll enjoy these boards a lot.
CowDung June 18, 2013 at 04:26 pm
The trouble is, that once the 'boards' are off the front page, one can't follow the discussion. TheRead More 'shout stream' has gone away with the redesign of Patch. The 'reply' feature has also gone. Somehow I don't see these boards as being all that useful for public discussion and interaction. The more effective place is on the articles themselves--they get more page space, and they tend to have a more 'discussion friendly' topic for conversation than the random board postings.
Karen Egert June 18, 2013 at 06:06 pm
I agree -- they should have a separate tab for Letters to the Editor
Rob Goldstein June 14, 2013 at 02:53 pm
Karen Egert, were you opposed to the DARE program that was in effect a few years ago? The DARERead More officer (whether it was a uniformed officer or detective) always carried his or her duty firearm in the school and was at each school on a weekly basis.
karen egert June 14, 2013 at 03:01 pm
Apparently Mr. Common Sense you were not at the Board meeting because if you were you would knowRead More that it was clearly outlined that all decisions and reporting of this police officer will be from the police department -- not the school. So are you saying that Lucy Biegler is now the new spokeswoman ? You said she is calling out the position for what it REALLY is ? The discrepancy in outlined roles and the vagueness of this position is reason enough to question it. Ofcourse you have an opinion , but because our children will be directly affected I think our concerns should be heavily weighed . .
karen egert June 14, 2013 at 03:05 pm
Rob -- to answer your question , I was never crazy about the DARE program and yes , I was disturbedRead More that the officer carrying a gun in school . I didn't like it . So I am being consistent. I was new to the school at the time .
Charles Sullivan June 12, 2013 at 05:28 pm
Maddy, Thank you for your comment and I agree that's a lot of money. I just wanted to let you knowRead More that I wanted to give the board some options to consider in case they felt the need to hire a hybrid public safety officer with experience in security operations. Does the town need one, maybe. Can the WPD do more in regards to daily school security, yes I think so but they don't have to assign a cop they already have on the books for this activity. Thank you again for time.
New perspective June 13, 2013 at 02:45 pm
Mr. Sullivan - thank you for your lengthy explanation and detail. I think one of the statements youRead More made should speak volumes to all "Resource officers are proactive, and they can stop something before it starts, Police Officers are re-active and they respond to locations to enforce the law." Do we really want an armed officer in the school who MAY react to let's say someone who has a watergun but the police officer *thinks* it is a real gun at first quick glance? This happens everyday thoughout this country all by accident. Do we really need WHS to be another statistic? Here's another question....why just have an SRO at the High School? Aren't the middle school aged children MORE prone to peer pressure and stress that can cause them to want to harm others as a reaction? In my Non-Professional opinion, middle school aged kids are more of a danger than High School kids.
John Q. Public June 14, 2013 at 11:17 am
Mr. Sullivan, I believe I read that the SRO position had been eliminated for budgetary reasons inRead More the past but that doesn't really address the first issue I mentioned, nor does your comment about having external foot patrols. (As an aside, I believe the crossing guard in the morning at the corner where the auditorium is is a regular sworn police officer). In addition, I see the presence or lack of such external patrols and the lack of coverage if a single SRO has a sick day as logistical issues that can be worked out as opposed to legitimate objections. I don't really see these as evidence going against the SRO concept.
concerned citizen June 11, 2013 at 08:03 pm
Egert is just against guns, that's it. Everything has to fit into this, her small world, and sheRead More tries hard to make it fit, squeezes it, bends it and massages it. She gets help from the elitist billionaire Nanny Bloomberg for the talking points, but he has none regarding this specific topic, so she flounders.
john June 11, 2013 at 10:28 pm
Karen, karen, karen. it is to easy. never mind.
karen egert June 15, 2013 at 10:28 pm
GGG - I have nothing against the Westfield police . On the contrary, on the few occasions I hadRead More interactions with any of them., they were all professional , courteous and very helpful . I am grateful for our Westfield police . I believe that the wonderful job they do as trained police officers is spectacular . I just disagree with the use of a police officer that has only been trained in the duties of an SRO for 7 to 10 days to be the ones counseling our children. . But please don't say I'm against police officers . That's inaccurate and unfair .
karen egert June 11, 2013 at 01:38 am
Thank you Matt for working to represent the third ward . If elected I hope you will work to moveRead More the traffic light on Central Ave that is literally on a resident's driveway . It also flashes as soon as it turns red . As my street is one block from there , I often see residents walking across the crosswalk while the lights are flashing . It doesn't make sense and it's dangerous . Putting that light there is also a terrible thing to do to that resident in our Third Ward . It's wrong and we need it moved .