Mommy Guilt {What I Found At HomeGoods Today}

With Mother's Day upon us (Happy Mother's Day, Mom! xoxo) it seems appropriate that I reflect on the things that have changed for me since I have become a mother.  In less than two short years, I have welcomed two amazing boys into our family, and by default become a mother twice over.  Among the myriad of warm, fuzzy, Dreft-scented feelings that come along with motherhood, I find one particular emotion rising to the top time after time.  It's ugly and rather unbecoming.  It's guilt.  

Some people talk about it.  Many moms blog about it.  Others try to gloss over it and pretend they don't feel it at all.  But when pressed, I think most moms will divulge their own story about the time they felt that pang of "mommy guilt" that couldn't be ignored.  While I'd love to say I am a stranger to MG, I'm going to be honest and say that I think it's nearly always present, in a back-of-mind kind of way, and it's a legitimate part of what makes me a great mom.  It makes me rush a little through the dairy aisle at the supermarket when Mike is home with the kids after work and I'm out.  It makes me take a break from doing accounting or writing emails in the office to go outside and join Jack for an afternoon jump session on the trampoline.  As the months and years go on, I've learned when to suppress the MG and when to embrace it.  Sometimes I need to take that break and rush back to the kidlets, and sometimes I need to tell that MG to take a hike, I'm not done with my pedicure.

I had a brief encounter with it this afternoon, actually.  As I've mentioned, I am "back to work" on Tuesdays and Thursdays for .  I usually end up going to the gym, running an errand or two, and then taking a shower.  By the time I actually "get to work" (I'm using all these ridiculous "'s because "work" is in our home office...and my boss is my husband. It's pretty loose to say the least.) it's close to 1pm.  So I guess I can say I'm doing two half days a week.  In any event, I had a doctor's appointment today in West Orange, and then had a list of things to do while I was in the area.  Return something to Short Hills Mall, stop at Whole Foods for organic vegetables to make Liam's first baby food (!!), get a car wash, drop off some hand-me-downs at a friend's house, send something at the UPS store, pick up a rug pad at HomeGoods, go to the gym, write today's blog... you can see where this is going, right?  One thing led to another, and before I knew it I was knee deep in throw rugs at HomeGoods, and it was 4pm.  You can see from my (carefully organized and prioritized, based on geographical orentation) list which things didn't get accomplished.  

How terrible did I feel as I meandered down the ottoman aisle (for the third time) at that gargantuan warehouse of domestic finds, knowing that a "work day" was spent... for lack of a better word... shopping.  Let's just say, I felt bad.  Here I was, spending my afternoon singing along with Bruce at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down, darting in and out of places without having to Snap N Go anything, enjoying my day.  And yet there it was... MG.  Creeping in.  I should be working.  And if I'm not working, I should be with the kids.

Now let me tell you, I didn't let MG get the better of me this time.  Nope.  I told her to scram.  Not only is it Mother's Day Week (I celebrate holidays - especially birthdays and other me-centric celebrations - for days before and after) but it's not necessary.  Why shouldn't I enjoy this day?  The kids are safe and happy.  I'm accomplishing things that need to get done.  The sun is shining, I'll go for a jog later, and the blog will get written.  (see, it's done!)

Even though I know deep down I don't need to justify how I spent my day, I made a deal with myself.  I decided to kill two birds with one stone.  I told myself I was there at HomeGoods doing "research."  I took photos (with my iPhone... bear with me) to share with you here on the blog.  I had to document the awesome finds, anyway.  This is one of my tactics.  Snap a picture, walk away from the item, go home and look at it again.  Picture it in your space.  Still want it?  Go back and hope that the shopping gods are on your side and it's still there.

Today was a good day at HomeGoods.  You know how it's kind of hit or miss there?  Today was definitely a hit.  Here are some of my finds:

If I couldn't have this pink chair, then at least someone I know should.  

And these cheery yellow chevron poofs in practically bulletproof fabric.  (Full disclosure, these were next door at TJ Maxx) Two small ones would make a fabulous makeshift coffee table, and they're totally kid-friendly, guest-approved, and made of outdoor fabric so they can withstand wine, coffee, or Similac spills.  And they're only $39.99.  Someone quick, go get them!

This last photo is of the rug aisle I spoke of earlier.  Where HomeGoods previously housed bath mats and rug pads (which is why I was there in the first place, lest we forget) they now have a phenomenal selection of cotton and wool dhurrie-style throw rugs in a dizzying array of bright colors and patterns.  Perfect for the kitchen, bathroom, or entryway, and ranging in price from $14.99-$49.99, I couldn't stop throwing them in my cart.

This is one of those shopping situations when you have to remove yourself from your surroundings (in this case flourescent lights, wonky-wheeled shopping carts, and 106.7 LightFM soundtrack) and picture your discoveries in another environment.  This is one of the design skills I am most proud of.  It takes practice, though, and lots of research.  I happen to know that rugs like these are being sold at high-end retailers like Calypso St. Barth, Serena and Lily, Pottery Barn, and Shades of Light for hundreds of dollars more.  Rugs like these mostly come from the same place - India, as the tags clearly state - and are often not worth the significant mark up that the high end stores tack on.  I'm pretty sure I found the holy grail of expensive-looking cheap throw rugs. **Again, please excuse these photos.  The aforementioned flourescent lighting in combination with my lacking iPhone 4 lens and my harried photography does not make for an accurate image.**

As you can see from the photo, I wasn't shy about spreading the rugs out to get a better look.  I recommend you do this when looking for floor coverings, and don't be shy about it.  Before I knew it, I had three other women in the aisle with me, pulling the neatly folded and stacked rugs off the shelves and staking their claim on the floor in the surrounding aisles, trying to narrow down which they were going to take home.

So after 45 minutes of sifting, sorting, and cavorting with new friends, I felt that pang of MG.  It was time to go.  I'd had my fun and now I needed to get home and be with my family.

I won't tell you how many were left in my cart when the time came to go through the check out lane, but I will say that it was more than 3 and less than 10 (eek!).  They were just too cute, versatile, and reasonably priced to pass up.

I took one more longing glance at the pink chair (maybe a Mother's Day gift for one lucky lady?), and then made a beeline for the checkout line.  I made it home with a trunk full of rugs, and just in time to meet Jack out back to have a quick jump on the trampoline before bath time. 

Ellie Mroz is the C.A.O. and Design Specialist for , a Westfield-based Design/Build General Contractor. http://www.MichaelRobertConstruction.com

She can be reached at Ellie@MichaelRobertConstruction.com.