Passover Traditions Are Unique To Each Home

Walking into a Jewish home on the first night of Passover, you expect a Seder …the customary feast that begins the holiday.

But the actual customs, from home to home, can be drastically different.

Westfield resident of thirteen years, Rabbi Mary Zamore, said each Seder is unique.. "Jews have always been innovative in the ways that they've done the Seder. There are just amazing traditions …over the millennia… that Jews have added to the Seder. They've always made it their own."

First, there are the basic traditions ...

• No Chametz, or yeast products, are eaten for a week. Before the holiday, some families place 10 pieces around the house and the children "search" with a brown bag, a candle, a feather and a wooden spoon.
• A Seder is conducted from the Haggadah … the book Jews read during the Seder that tells their story of slavery in Egypt and the miracles that ensued.
• Matzoh, or unleavened bread, is eaten to symbolize the food the Israelites ate during their quick departure from Egypt. They had no time for the bread to rise, so they ate it flat.
• A Seder Plate, with symbolic foods of the Jews struggle in Egypt, is used during the Seder.
• Charoset, a food made of fruit and nuts, is eaten. It's a sticky food substance that symbolizes the mortar used by Israelites to make bricks while they were slaves in Egypt.
• The 10 Plagues, which God put upon the Egyptians before the Jews were freed by Pharaoh the King, are recited. They are often represented by dipping a finger in red wine and placing droplets on the plate. The drops are also meant to diminish joy because of how the Egyptians suffered. Specific plagues are sometimes represented with appropriate props like sunglasses (for darkness) and toy frogs or bugs (for frogs and locusts).
• There is a search for Afikomen, or "dessert", by the children. The middle Matzoh on the table is broken and half is hidden for the kids to find. Usually there is a monetary prize. The Seder often doesn't end until the Afikomen is found and eaten.
• Reclining, while drinking the four cups of wine during the Seder, is customary to represent freeing the Jews from Egypt. In ancient times, only the upper echelon were allowed to recline.
• The Four Questions, which answer "Mah Nish Tah Nah?" are recited, or sung, by the youngest person at the table.
• Elijah's Cup is placed at the table to symbolize a fifth cup of wine. The "Prophet" is admitted into the house by symbolic door opening. In some cases a place is set at the table for Elijah or the door is opened and closed.
• Dayenu, a Hebrew song meaning "It would have been enough," is sung during the Seder, along with other melodies.

And while these "traditions" are typical of most Seders, how they are executed and what customs accompany them vary from home to home, region to region, movement to movement.

Rabbi Zamore, who is of the Ashkenazi descent (Western and Central Europe) said her family's Seder caters to the ages of the children who attend, now nine and 12 years-old.

So  as we ask on Passover ..."Mah Nishtahnah?" or "Why is it different?"

"Every year I try to think of things that will both amuse the children but also connect them to the traditions and teach them and make it exciting to learn about Passover," said Zamore, who used to serve at Temple Emanu-el on East Broad Street, and is now at Temple B'Nai Or in Morristown.

She said last year she spent her Seder dressed as a Matzoh. "I actually made a dress out of cloth that looks like a Matzoh, so I was a Matzoh the whole time."

"Over the years I've challenged the kids to act out things or to go on scavenger hunts," she said. "When they were very young I used to bring a Jewish video (about Passover). But then I would challenge them to come back and tell about it."

"As they've gotten older, we've gotten very active …we give them a pillow case and have them collect things they'd take if fleeing from Egypt."

As for the Afikomen search, "a different Afikomen for each child. If you find somebody else's, you can't touch it." She said they used to be color coded for those who couldn't yet read. Now they are numbered. "As they get older, the hiding has gotten more challenging."

Rabbi Zamore said a child recently suggested letting the children hide the Afikomen so adults can search.

"We've done different types of Charoset," she said, to represent different regions. She said The Four Questions are often recited in different languages, at her family's Seder, depending on who attends.

As a twist on an idea she heard from www.G-DCast.com, that everyone should eat "fast food" on Passover, Zamore "thought how cool would it be …to tell everyone to grab their shoes and Haggadah and let's do the beginning of the Seder in the car."

And, Rabbi Zamore said, her family's Elijah's Cup travels with her to every Seder.

Another Westfield woman, Amy Frisch, said the most important tradition to her is "to partake with extended family."

The married mom of three, said she "didn't celebrate holidays with family or with friends" growing up.

She said she enjoys the "retelling of the story" year after year. "The tradition of doing what you did the year before and doing the service, there's something nice about that."

Some of her family's traditions include placing the Afikomen in one of the holders made by her kids in pre-school.

Her family makes a "mini plate" with each of the traditional foods, rather than having to take one at a time.

As the youngest family member, her nine-year-old daughter, Chelsea, recites The Four Questions.

And they also incorporate Miriam's Cup, a more recent ritual which honors the Matriarch of the Israelites during their departure from Egypt. It also symbolizes the women's contributions to Jewish heritage.

And whereas many families have separate Passover plates used during the week-long holiday, "we don't switch over plates or get rid of the products," she said. "I think it's more about the idea."

And in the Frisch family, it's also about the food. "My kids don't eat the leavened products," she said. "I think it's good for them to give something up."

"They love the Matzoh ball soup," she added …and the short version of the Seder.

And they do have another food-related tradition at the end of the holiday. "Usually we break it with pizza."

Yet another mom of three, Stacey Rokhsar, married into a tradition entirely different from her own.

Her husband Michael's family descends from Iran and follows Sephardic traditions. Jews who descend from Spain, Portugal, the Mediterranean and Turkey, among other regions,  are also Sephardic.

She said in their 10 and a half years of marriage, she's always enjoyed engaging in her husband's customs. "I thought it was interesting," she said. "And the foods were always stand-out differences."

The foods are true to their warmer regions and include lots of lighter fare such as salads, nuts, lentils and dried fruit. Rice dishes are popular, as well as lamb or beef.

And while Ashkenazi Jews do not eat rice on Passover, Sephardim do.

"The rice is such a process for them," said Rokhsar. "The legumes and beans and rice are such a staple in Iran."

"They take beyond pride in their food," she said. "There is not a stitch that is not home made." She added that the Sephardic Charoset is an obvious difference. "Ours is more apple-y …theirs is much more brown …dates and wine and nuts."

And their Seders are rich in Persian tradition.  

During the song Dayenu, strands of green onions sit on the table to represent slavery. The onions are used to "hit" each other as a reminder. "Everybody turns and slaps each other," she said. "You say "Dayenu" …boom…you're hitting somebody on the arm with a slab of green onion."

"All of a sudden they're flying across the table."

"For the most part the service is the same," said Rokhsar, adding there is a version of the Haggadah that does incorporate more of the Persian tradition.

Many members of her husband's family also speak Farsi to each other, and to her children, ages seven, five and a half and two. 

As for her kids' take on their family Seders, Rokhsar said they don't know any differently. "I don't think they realize what is Persian-y versus what's regular tradition," she said. "It's just what they know."

And if you don't celebrate this holiday, but you would like to wish someone well … you can start your own small "tradition."

Just wish them a "Ziessen Pesach" or a "sweet Passover."